Have you noticed how it’s always easier to see what someone else should do with their life than what you should do with your own? That gap is actually a self coaching tool hiding in plain sight.
Why Giving Advice Helps the Person Giving It
In How to Change: The Science of Getting from Where You Are to Where You Want to Be by Katy Milkman, she talks about a study that found something interesting. When people were struggling with things like saving money, getting better grades, or sticking to goals, they sometimes did better when they were asked to give advice to others with the same problem.
That sounds backwards at first. If you’re the one struggling, shouldn’t you be the one getting advice, not giving it?
Two things seemed to be happening:
- Clarity: Giving advice forced people to map out a plan. They had to spell out what someone should do, which incidentally revealed what they themselves could do.
- Confidence: Being in the “mentor” role gave them a subtle boost in belief. If they could see the path clearly enough to explain it, maybe they could walk it too.
So they walked away not only with a clearer strategy, but also with more confidence in their ability to use it.
Use AI for Self Coaching, Not Just Advice
Most people think about AI chatbots as something you go to for advice. You pour out your situation, it gives you a list of tips, and you decide what to do with them.
That’s fine, but there’s another angle I like better. You can use AI as the person you’re mentoring.
Here’s the move:
- Ask the AI to pretend to be you, with your situation, your goals, your constraints.
- Have it describe “your” problem back to you in a short paragraph.
- Then, step into mentor mode and give it advice as if it were a friend or mentee you actually care about.
Suddenly, you’re the one explaining:
- What matters most.
- What small steps to start with.
- What traps to avoid.
- How to handle setbacks.
You’re doing exactly what those study participants did. You're building a plan and affirming that the plan is workable.
Why This Can Work Surprisingly Well
Using AI this way has a few advantages:
- It’s low stakes. You’re not risking awkwardness with a real person.
- You can be honest about the situation but also a bit more objective, because you’re talking to “you” at a slight distance.
- You get to hear your own best thinking, written out, in a way that’s easier to follow later.
You can even ask the AI, after you’ve given your advice, to summarize your guidance back to you as a short checklist or action plan. Now your “mentor brain” has written your “doing brain” a clear set of next steps.
Is this going to solve everything? No. But it’s a clever way to unlock the part of you that is surprisingly wise when it’s not trapped inside your own anxiety.
I like the idea of using this as a self coaching move whenever I feel stuck. Instead of asking “What should I do?” I ask, “If a slightly younger version of me came to me with this exact problem, what would I tell them?” Then I let AI play that slightly younger version and see what I come up with.