Solitude and mental health are more connected than most people think. When you picture rest, you might picture being with people you love. For extroverts especially, social plans can feel like recovery. But time with others, as good as it is, is not quite the same thing as rest.
What Move Taught Me About Rest
In Move: How the New Science of Body Movement Can Set Your Mind Free by Caroline Williams, she spends time unpacking what rest actually is. I’ve already written about the part I loved where rest can still involve movement, such as hiking or gardening. But there was another piece that stuck with me: rest is often most effective when you do it alone. That applies to both introverts and extroverts, which honestly surprised me a bit.
The idea is that when you’re with someone else, a part of your mind is always tracking them. Even if you love them. Even if it’s fun. You’re reading their reactions, responding, engaging, managing the little social dance.
Solitude and Mental Health: Why Being Alone Matters
When you’re on your own, your body and brain have a better chance to actually check in with themselves.
You’re not:
- Mirroring someone else’s mood.
- Keeping a conversation going.
- Holding space for another person’s needs.
You can notice your own thoughts, your own tension, your own pace. That’s when your system can simmer down a bit and run through its internal maintenance list. It doesn’t matter that much whether you’re walking, reading, listening to music, painting a wall, or doing some other low key activity. What matters is that you’re not actively plugged into another person’s emotional channel while you do it.
Alone Time Is Not Anti Social
None of this means you should stop doing things with other people. Social connection is still one of the biggest ingredients in a good life. Walks with friends, group hikes, family time, and shared hobbies all matter a lot. The point is simply that those things and true rest are different categories.
You can:
- Go on hikes with people and also take occasional solo walks.
- Read quietly by yourself and also have long, energizing conversations.
- Listen to music alone sometimes instead of always turning it into a shared activity.
You’re not choosing one over the other forever. You’re just making sure “time alone” doesn’t quietly disappear from your schedule because everything turned into “time with others.”
I’m trying to be more deliberate about that mix. If my week is full of people and I still feel strangely tired, that’s often the signal that I don’t just need more social time. I need a little bit of simple, solo rest where my brain can actually hear itself again.